Friday, April 01, 2011

air sex education

LA has been doing its damndest these last couple days to make sure that I don't go to the gym. It's rolled out the 85 degree weather and I have a distinct fear that it's here to stay. There is absolutely nothing I hate more than hot, sticky weather... unless it's going to the gym in hot, sticky weather. But that's what the pool's for, right? I guess I should start going to the pool.

Yesterday was the first really hot day, and I didn't go to the gym. To be fair to myself, this wasn't just because it was hot; it was an extremely busy day and I was already tired from going to the Air Sex Championships the night before. I was leaving work early to shoot a VFE interview, so I got to work early to compensate and didn't go home for lunch for the same reason. One awful side issue related to dieting is that not a lot of diet food is portable- you can't just make a sandwich in the morning and go, because sandwiches contain bread, and bread is, apparently, the enemy. Which sucks. I love bread.

But anyway- I didn't eat much other than yogurt and apples all day, and the VFE interview was stressful because of the people hovering around me while I try to set up, and it was hot and sticky, and then I had to go straight to a meeting with Robin and Sasha afterwards and didn't get home until 9. So, long story short, I had no desire at all to go to the gym. Instead I went to bed at 10:00. It was awesome.

It's hot again today, but I'm going to go. Really. I'll go home, grab a snack and go. I don't actually have to return Kris' lights until Sunday, so that's a plus.

Anyway! Air sex! I'm sure you've all been dying to hear about the mysterious Air Sex Championship that Steve and I went to on Wednesday. It was kind of exactly what you'd expect- it's kind of like sex miming. People choose a song to "perform" to and then act out their half (or some fraction thereof) of having sex with a person, an object, etc- one guy pretending he was having sex with a 15-foot woman. Some people were really funny, some people were stupid, a couple were really gross. I don't really know what else to say for those who still can't imagine it... I suppose "like that scene in When Harry Met Sally, but with more gestures" will suffice.

I don't know that I need to go to OTHER air sex shows... I mean, some people are probably really good at it, so maybe it'd be fun to go to the WORLD Championships or something, but the Los Angeles Championship was just a few people who were really into it, a few people who did it spur of the moment but were good, and a few stupid drunk people. The girl who won performed very realistic and enthusiastic lesbian air sex. She won a Fleshlight. I don't know if that would be useful to a lesbian, but maybe it would. If you don't know what a Fleshlight is, either look it up or listen to more Savage Love.

So! Big plans this weekend- gym, Glee, work, Book Club and then my FIRST REGULAR SEASON GIANTS GAME with a bunch of Dodgers fans. I'm looking forward to it, but also hoping no one beats me up for wearing Giants gear, which happened yesterday at the season opener. Dodgers fans suck- I've had enough random people yell at me from across parking lots in LA just for having a Giants bumper sticker that I know this for a fact.

Oh, and happy April Fool's Day! It's one of my favorite holidays- pranks and jokes are big in my family. Two days ago my brother and I sent my Dad a letter "from" the City and County of San Francisco, saying that he had to clean out the basement and passageway in our house, both of which are completely full of stuff. We gave him a number to call- which was Taylor's Google Voice number- and left a message saying the office was closed, or something. He fell for it hook, line and sinker and left a harassed message on the voicemail. Hurray! I couldn't let him suffer for too long though, so I called and 'fessed up pretty quickly, since Mom reported that he sounded really stressed and mad about it.

I just love holidays that are all about being goofy and childlike, don't you?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wednesday, Dad's birthday

One of the stupidest things I do in regards to the gym is not give myself enough time to be there properly. This is because I don't like going, so I put it off, but I know I have to go, so I go at the last possible minute, and then either the gym is closing (on weekends it closes at 8, grrr) or I have to go somewhere. Example: I'm sitting here at my computer, waiting for the Midol to kick in (because I think we can all agree that it's not fun to go the gym BEFORE the Midol kicks in, right?), which I figure will happen in about half an hour, which will leave me with only two hours to get to the gym, work out, come back, eat dinner/change clothes, and go pick up Steve for the Air Sex Competition we are going to tonight.

Yes, you read that right, the Air Sex Competition. I'll get to that in a second.

I don't really know how to change this issue- my life this year is busier than last year, and thank goodness, because it makes me feel like less of a waste of space. But isn't this the most important thing I could be doing with my time? Yes. So why don't I allow myself enough time to do it properly, to go and do multiple machines, not just the elliptical, or else do just one machine and then go swimming? I miss swimming, but it certainly is more of an ordeal than just going on a machine. Bleh.

Everything would be solved if I could convince myself to get up at 5am and go to the gym before work, on the days that I work. But I cannot do this. I'm not a 5am person, never have been, never will be. There have been a couple times in my life that I've been awake all night with insomnia and went to the gym before work because I just never fell asleep, but I can hardly hope that THAT happens often. Besides, I sleep better when I've been exercising well, and I'd hate to ruin that. So I'll just have to keep cramming things in for the time being- but exercising some is better than exercising none, right?

Anyway, yes. The Air Sex Competition. My trivia friends found out about it, and we were all going to go, but then they bailed (for "jobs," so I suppose I can't fault them) so now it's just me and Steve, and maybe Li-Wei if she leaves work in time. I don't know much about it, but it sounds just too weird-in-a-good-way to pass up. It's been described to me as "kind of like air guitar." I'll keep you posted, but will NOT be bringing my camera, because I'd feel like some sort of weird... air voyeur.

Oh, and today thus far I have eaten ok. Did a Lean Cuisine pizza for lunch. It was not really worth it. I'd rather have the Trader Joe's Chicken Tikka Masala any day.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Today was fairly successful. I finished my taxes (hurray, refunds!), picked up lights from my friend Kris for the Vote For Equality interview I'm shooting on Thursday (I'll have to explain a bit about that at some point, I guess), and went to the gym and did the elliptical for a nice long chunk of time. And I ate ok. Again, not spectacularly, but I'm on my way to reviving the nice balanced diet I had there for awhile. The key I think is eating your 5+ servings per day of fruits and vegetables- it's hard for me because I don't like most raw vegetables, so I have to cook them, and often I am just too lazy. But this will be a thing of the past soon, I hope.

I'm super tired so the only other thing I'll say is that I promise to never, ever while I am blogging about losing weight call the whole ordeal "my weight-loss journey." They say this on The Biggest Loser (one of my guilty-pleasure reality shows) all the time, and I cannot stand it. I get that losing weight is all about creating better eating and exercising habits, etc, but COME ON. The phrase is just a little too loveydovey for me. Gag.

It annoys me in the same way that I am annoyed when I'm working at preschool and they don't allow peanut butter in the building anymore because there are some kids who are incredibly allergic to peanuts. I get it, theoretically, but again: COME ON. It should be noted, however, that these two things aren't really connected anywhere except in my mind.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Well, oops.

Ok, so I didn't go the gym today. I ate ok but not spectacularly. My excuse is that I had a meeting with my friend Robin about a music video we're trying to make, and then he was like "hey, want to watch Mildred Pierce (HBO's new miniseries)?" And obviously I did, so we did, and then it was 8:30 and while I usually DO go to the gym late-ish at night, I was also too hungry to go without getting a headache. All of which is a long-winded way to say: today I sucked, but I will go tomorrow.

Set on Sunday provided not the WORST food in the world- there were at least veggies to go with the typical Mysteriously-Ethnic-Food-Flavored Meat. And with very little craft service to speak of, I think I came out ok in the end. Yes, I did have a baked potato when I got home, but now I don't have any potatoes left, so that's the end of that, for awhile at least.

Which sucks, though. There's nothing I love more than a baked potato with lots of cheese and butter... unless it's my mom's scalloped potatoes, which have lots of cheese and butter baked INTO them. Oh man, we had the best scalloped potatoes at the Bellagio buffet in Las Vegas. Not as good as my mom's, of course, but amazing just the same. I let myself have two servings because there were no desserts I could eat and I paid $40 for the damn buffet.

There were also good scalloped potatoes in Scottsdale at Don and Charlie's, the famed baseball memorabilia steakhouse. There should be a law that vacation food doesn't actually add to your body fat content.

So, here's to a better tomorrow, in which I will go to the gym AND finish my taxes! I would finish them tonight, but my mom went to bed and I need her to explain things like what the hell all of it means. Stupid freelancing.