An experiment

So, I decided, just now, that I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going to try, between now and May 1st, to write about my ongoing and ridiculous struggles to lose weight. I've been really bad about it in the last couple months, mostly because I've been really depressed, and it's a cyclical thing where when I'm depressed, I just want to sit around rereading Harry Potter, and then I get more depressed that I haven't done anything all day and no one seems to care that I exist. Plus, I'm really good at being in denial- the whole "well, I'll go to the gym tomorrow, but today I'm going to sit around rereading Harry Potter." And then I don't go tomorrow. So, I figure maybe if I'm sort of holding myself accountable for it by writing about it every day or two, it might help with motivation and also with not being in denial. At least I hope so. I have to do something different, and this seems like a good start.

I'm not going to tell you all how much I weigh (because it's embarrassing) or how many calories I burned or any of that boring stuff. I'm just going to report back on whether I went to the gym and ate well. It'll give me a reason to write more, too, and I can segue into other stuff from the boring crap.

I don't really expect to lose a ton of weight in just 4 1/2 weeks, mind you, but again, it seems like a good start.

So tonight, I went to the gym. Not for too long, or as long as I used to stay, because it closes at 8pm on Saturdays and because I'm easing back into things. I did the elliptical, which I like because it doesn't mess with my asthma the way a treadmill would. If anyone can explain to me why a treadmill makes me out of breath and the elliptical doesn't, that would be great- it makes no sense to me, I just know that I live in fear of treadmills. They remind me of running laps on the field in elementary school, and Mike Axtell lapping me as he completed his 4-minute mile. Jerk.

As I was leaving the gym and Nice Bald Manager Guy was closing the gates, he said "Keep it up, you're doin' good!" Apparently he failed to notice that I haven't been there in over a month. But at least SOMEONE thinks I'm doin' good, even if he was just saying it... I need the encouragement.

I ate ok today. I was on set for part of the day, which always makes eating well a huge task- sets are littered with things like soda and candy and chips and basically anything portable that a crew can grab and go. That doesn't translate well to losing weight- it's one of the main reasons I gained so much weight at AFI. I'm on set tomorrow, too- for the whole day this time, not just a half day like today- and I'm kind of dreading it. This also means I won't be able to go to the gym tomorrow... but Monday and Tuesday I have off, so hopefully I'll make up for it.

A plea: PLEASE email and bug me if you notice I haven't posted or something. I clearly am not very good at doing this on my own.

Oh, and I'm going to start going to Weight Watchers again too. It helped a lot the first time I did it, and then they changed the stupid system and I got confused and fell off the wagon. I might change to Monday night meetings instead of Tuesday night, though- I can't face Carl The Kindly Old Man when he weighs me and sees that I gained back the 12 pounds I lost last year. I will kind of miss Carl, though, so maybe when I am back on track I'll start back on Tuesday nights. Tuesday is Glee night with Steve though... hmm.

So thanks for being there, guys, and I hope this isn't too dull for you to follow. I don't want to lose my 3 readers.