Sunday, February 26, 2012

Stream of Consicousness Oscar Post

Starting at the beginning and going along as the show goes...

I AM SO GLAD BILLY CRYSTAL IS BACK. Thanks, James Franco and Anne Hathaway, for being so incredibly bad that they could convince Billy to come back.

Karl Swaybo... seat filling at the Oscars for 59 years? I want that job! I'd be REALLY GOOD at that job. Probably not actually a real job, though.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GIVING OUT CINEMATOGRAPHY FIRST? WHAT THE FUCK, OSCARS? Oh, and of course Robert Richardson won. Hey, at least I predicted it, even if it wasn't the one that I wanted to win. And at least Richardson called them out on how lame it was that they put it first. How degrading to Cinematography! Richardson's speech was short and sweet, but I do hope they get over this whole "let's give it to the most visually lavish and effects-heavy movie possible!" kick they're on soon.

Hey, at this point I'm 2/2 in predictions! I put my predictions on Facebook so people could publicly ridicule me for them.

What is this pointless montage for? Just to remind us all of how much we like movies? Iconic Movie Moments? Stupid.

It's kind of nice that they have stars talking about each of the people who did makeup and costumes and such. Why didn't they have that for Cinematography? Geez. Cinematography is so shafted this year! WTF. Also this little bit about stars' first movies is cute.

Sandra Bullock presenting Best Foreign Language Film and her joke about "speaking Chinese" was... dumb.

A Separation! I guess now I will really have to see it. It's so hard to want to go see a movie about a marriage breaking up that will probably be very sad. Pretty awesome that an Iranian movie won, given all that's going on between the US and Iran.

Hurray! Octavia Spencer! NICE DRESS too. And they gave her a standing ovation! Cute. I hope The Help wins the two actress awards but nothing else. Definitely doesn't deserve Best Picture. Awww why is she apologizing? She's so cute. I love her.

MUPPETS! I <3 MUPPETS. However, odd that Cirque Du Soleil is performing at The Oscars. Just cause it's an artsy medium doesn't mean all other artsy mediums are invited. I like Cirque and all, but not thrust upon me when least expected.

Rango won! Well, so the two awards I really cared about split- one went good, one went meh. If Lubezki had won Cinematography it would have been, like, the best Oscars ever.

Emma Stone is embarrassing. Also, she looks like a lump of yarn.

Dude, Christopher Plummer is a class act. I want him to thank all 7 von Trapp children. I'm glad they're letting him talk! Taylor says they don't cut old people off... it's pretty true.

Does anyone else think it's weird that the band is up in the boxes?

I am not a fan of the continuing jokes about Kodak going bankrupt. Poor Kodak. The movies wouldn't exist without Kodak, you'd think someone would step in to help them out.

"To all of you, please accept me because I've got so much love to give." Crappiest acceptance speech yet.

Flight of the Conchords guy wrote the Man or Muppet song! I had no idea. Somehow the fact that those two worlds collided makes me really happy.

I would love to go in the Kodak theater some day. It looks so grand and beautiful.

Girl From Precious, you may have had the best line all night: "THe fact that he was a freaking alcoholic- WITH ONE FOOT!"

I have gotten bored with this broadcast, and thus have stopped commenting on things. Lalalalalalalala oooh Best Director! This should be interesting... oh snore, Hazanavicius... clearly now The Artist will win. Lame.

The In Memorium montage is always my favorite. That sounds weird, but it's the one tiny glimpse of humanity in this giant show full of Hollywood glitz. Plus it highlights a lot of people no one knew died, like sound people and camera people. That's a good thing- they don't get enough recognition. Too bad what they do get is posthumous.

Natalie Portman looks amazing. Red dress and diamonds is a good look for her. This is kind of weird though, having her address each of the Best Actor nominees directly... she keeps looking back at the teleprompter, it's very inelegant.

God the sound on this broadcast is awful.

Oh gee, The Artist won. Shocking! Kind of a snorefest of an Oscars. I have zero witty comments. The end!