gchat snippets, the sad and the snarky

Today's snippets are all on the subject of OKCupid:

JULIA: wow
these okcupid people are freaks
ME: ?
yes.
JULIA: it's really amazing
i went on a great okcupid date on saturday
but i don't anticipate meeting anyone else
ME: are you going to see him again?
JULIA: yes
we're going to the tactile dome on saturday
ME: to make out in the red room?
JULIA: hahahah
perhaps
ME: that's like the whole point of the tactile dome
to be tactile with each other


JULIA: this guy messaged me and said he liked my profile
i checked him out
he said he likes good charlotte and reggaeton
and heavy metal
i'm just wondering how he could have possibly read my profile (bob dylan, velvet u., my morning jacket, etc) and thought, YES perfect match!!


JULIA: let me remind you that i got hotlisted by a 5'2'' transsexual on JDATE.
ME: yeah, a dwarf messaged me because i have on my profile that i like weird animals like narwhals, and he wrote me a message about narwhals. and then i wrote back because i felt guilty ignoring the dwarf, and he never responded again. so either he senses that i am secretly weirded out, or i got rejected by a dwarf.
ME: my life is amazing.
JULIA: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
narwhals
haha
you prob have one of those profiles that i make fun of
hehe
ME: great
so that's why no one but dwarves love me

JULIA: omg
check out this chat i just got on okcupid
"hi lady. i want to learn your opinion about a subject. i enjoy older women very much and an older woman said she has a weak submissive husband who has a tiny and flabby private part so she has been training him into a sissy man so she wants to show him he is not real man and adequate by having intercourse with me at their bedroom while he being at home. what should i do ?"
ME: i... ok. you win.

JULIA: did you get my text [saying she got okcupid matched with someone we went to high school with]
ME: haha just now
amazing
there should be some way to avoid finding people you know
i got matched up with a kid from afi
JULIA: hahaha yeah
ME: plus, i mean, i don't want people i know to know i'm pathetically desperate and on ok cupid
although if they are too, then i guess i shouldn't be embarrassed
JULIA: yeah i don't think online dating is desperate at all
i don't feel desperate and i'm doing it
ME: i do, yet here i am.

JULIA: is it wrong if i don't respond to a guy because i don't care for his name? (saul)
i just..i can tell you right now that i'm not going to marry a saul.


Online dating: we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

sigh

A co-worker of mine is annoyed with me because I "like to do things the hard way."

GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE? Alphabetizing is only "the hard way" if you're an IDIOT.