this is reality

Listen, world. Nobody likes the melon in the fruit salad, unless it is watermelon, and it never is. Nobody eats it. Last week at the Boring Work Barbecue there were two entire bowls of cantaloupe and honeydew melon left over for this very reason. Melon sucks, and also I am vaguely allergic to it. Stop forcing us to eat melon! Melon should be the sort of fruit that fans must seek out, like apricots!

On a completely different note, I enjoy the fact that until recently at a local drugstore, tampons and maxi pads are kept in the same isle as yeast infection medication, condoms, and diapers, amongst other things. Walking through it is kind of like an Epcot Center ride through failed birth control: first you need the tampons, then you use the condom, which presumably doesn't work, which results in needing the diapers. I giggled every time I visited this aisle, and now that it's gone I'm sad and I have to wonder if someone complained about the implications and hinting involved in putting diapers right next to period-and-sex-related paraphernalia.

How To Make Love To Single Women! A Book of Love

I really regret that the photo I tried to take of this amazing book cover didn't come out well, but picture an airbrushed 70's lady sort of akin to Olivia Newton-John in Xanadu, and then put her in an unbuttoned man's shirt, and you're halfway there.

Dustin and David Lassiter and I found this book on the set of this movie Stacking Chips that Dustin shot recently, and it was just too good not to share. In fact, I'm surprised I haven't shared it before now. Entitled How to Make Love To Single Women! A Book of Love, by "Robert M," "from the creators of the bestseller "How To Pick Up Girls!"", copyright 1975, it had the following table of contents. Please discuss.
Introduction
What's Special About A Single Girl
A Good Lover Is Hard To Find
 There Are No Rules
A Girl Can Spot A Good Lover
Attitude Is The Secret
Treat A Girl Like A Person
Take An Interest
Look Her In The Eyes
Relax and Be Yourself
You Can't Make It With Just Any Woman
How To Pick Up A Single Girl
Treat Her With Respect
Come On Slow
Take A Walk First
Tell Her About Yourself
Don't Talk About Your Girlfriends
Be Confident
Observe Her Moods
Don't Overpower Her
Ask What She Wants To Do
Give Her Time To Fantasize
She Needs To Trust You
Give Her Romance
Take Her Dancing
Try A Massage
Making Your Move
Choose The Moment And Place
Nervous? So's She
Wine Is Fine
Gentleness Makes You Irresistible
Take Off Her Clothes
What To Do With Your Own Clothes
A Switch: Take Off Your Own Clothes First
Light A Candle
Tell Her She's Beautiful
How To Touch Her
Let Her Touch You
Talk To Her
Don't Make Her Pregnant
Let Her Heat Up
A Kiss Is An Oral Message
Caressing Her Breasts: Large and Small
Penis Size Makes No Difference
Tell Her You Love Her Vagina
The Clitoris Is The Go Button
Should You Go Down On Her?
Entry: Easy Does It
What Position Does A Girl Like Best?
Experiment and Improvise
Role Reversal
Try A Dangerous Location
Whatever Gets Her Off
Why Not Do It Again?
Post-Coital Play Is Like Dessert
Fellatio: Do Girls Like To Do It?
Premature Ejaculation And Other Hangups
What To Do If She's Menstruating
What To Do If She's A Virgin
Watch Out: VD Is Very Popular
Lovers Make The Best Friends
Congratulations, Lover!

My favorite is "Treat Her Like A Person"... unless it's "Take A Walk First." Or "Don't Make Her Pregnant." All good advice, boys. Well, the walk is a toss up. Nothing against walks, but... probably unnecessary.

advice center

If any of you have any tips or resources you could pass along relating to helping out friends who are going through a divorce... I could really use some advice. This is something I've never done before, and it makes me feel like a grown-up in the worst kind of way.

it's that time again

Spring/summer/early fall: that time when life gets incredibly busy for no one reason, always followed by fall, which for the past two years has been a melancholic dead zone of joblessness and depression. But for reference, here is my (tentative) schedule for the next few months:

Now-May 27th: work at AFI. attempt to not stab out eyes/ears with readily available screwdrivers from workbench.
May 1st (this Saturday! gah! must find something to wear!): Jennifer and Josh's wedding
May 28th: drive home
May 30th: Jarrod and Amelia's wedding
May 31st-?: home... depends on jobs
June 22nd: fly to Chicago
June 2rd-July 31st: teach film cherubs at Northwestern! yay!
August 1st: fly back to San Francisco, drive to Camp
August 1st-7th: Camp! vacation! yay!
August 7th: drive to Morro Bay for Deirdre's wedding, get there by 5pm ceremony
August 8th: Mom's birthday, drive home
August 9th-20th: at Pac Prim with Rainbow Dolphins
August 21st-September 3rd: ??
September 4th: Kate and Stuart's wedding in Indianapolis. have not figured out how/when to go. stupid Labor Day ticket prices.

and then... into the ghastly blank, my friends.

Death Valley post soon! FOR REALS.

grab bag

Things About the Inner Workings of Which I Understand Very Little:*

1. hair extensions (where do they latch on? to your skull or to your hair? what are they made of? i could research this easily but choose not to.)
2. people who suddenly become extremely religious for no apparent reason
2A. Jews for Jesus
3. taxes
4. The Effect of Masers On Supernova Remnants (this is why I keep Jack around)
5. Ru Paul's Drag Race
6. narwhals**
7. The inability of Los Angeles residents/ the dictum by the City of Los Angeles that trash cans must be left IN THE STREET for trash pickup day, thus rendering it impossible to park anywhere.


*Don't you love it when concerted efforts to not end a sentence with a preposition make said sentence unnecessarily confusing?
** BUT I LOVE THEM and no one else really understands them either!


Also! The "wanderlust" portion of this here blog is soon to be expanded- Steve and I are going to Death Valley tomorrow! I also owe everyone (myself?) a rundown of me and Mom's trip to Portland, and then in May I'm going to New York for a weekend to see Taylor! Things are looking up, life-wise- or at least travel-wise.

oh gosh

I am a horrible blogger. I have much to tell everyone... and by "everyone" I mean "Kara, my mom and Jennifer." But I am so glad that at least they care about what I have to say! I feel that I am rambling when I have only written four sentences. That must be a record.

More soon!

just spreadin' the word

The HPV vaccine is now available for men. So if you are 9-26 OF EITHER GENDER go get yourself vaccinated! Hurry! You're not getting any younger!