Saturday, June 07, 2008

my roots come to visit, and make me sad.

Today I had lunch with Jarrod and Zach, whom I have known since we were babies:

Uncle Paul reading me and Zach a story
me and Zach with Uncle Paul, about 1985

I don't know what it is about the Jarrod/Zach/Jake/Spenser/Taylor/me group, but things just always feel so... comfortable with them. We are all very different people, and always have been; with the exception of Spense and Zach, we've never even been able to spend long periods of time together... except, of course, for those weeks at Camp when we were kids, and we'd spend all week stargazing and playing in the creek and with our SuperSoakers. Something about those weeks together cemented some sort of strange bonding between us, and we have the sort of weird friendship that you can just dive right into after months, even years of being apart, and things never feel awkward. I hadn't seen Zacho in over a year before this afternoon, but it was fine. I really do wish I could see them more often. Maybe I will, now that Jarrod is going to be working at Pacific Primary, something that makes me happier than I could possibly say. What a great match that is- the perfect teacher for the new expansion of the school. I'm jealous that he's found such a great place to be.

Seeing them, and thinking about how long it's been since I've seen Spense (Christmas), and even longer since I've seen Jake (last summer, when Harry Potter was released), really makes me want to move back home. Sometimes I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing in LA; I don't belong here, I don't particularly like it here, and I have constant doubts about whether I could ever actually be successful here. There's not a whole lot keeping me here, unless it's my friends... but I have friends in San Francisco too, amazing friends whom I constantly feel that I'm neglecting. I want to be back home with my family nearby and my city all around me. It's as simple as that.

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